Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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