that's an acceptable place to lick
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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