it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize