you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
