It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
