when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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