just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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