i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
