so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize