Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
