I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
