i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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