I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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