you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
