i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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