I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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