Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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