So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
