How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
