i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
