you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
