Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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