I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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