i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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