Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
