He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
