She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
