RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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