Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
