what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
