sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
