so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
