Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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