dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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