upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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