i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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