smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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