im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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