If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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