He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
