I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
