My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
why is half of my head shaved?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
