do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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