Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
