Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
