I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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