She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He kissed a someone with a penis
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
