What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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