If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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