The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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