Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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