margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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