But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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