I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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