I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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