I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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