you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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