Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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