Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
