I smell stomach acid.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
