a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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