We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
