I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm too high and old for this...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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