How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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