Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
