Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
