Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
