I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
