Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
40s are totally the cure
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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