hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
