Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
