Already got asked if we're dating
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
