Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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