bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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