you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
