dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
