We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
