Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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