Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
