he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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