i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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