do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
