i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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